Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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