i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
