im drinking this country out of the recession.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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