So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
