Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
