Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
