hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
