is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
