New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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