on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
