I think I died a long time ago.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
