You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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