She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
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being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
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if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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