Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Drunk is not a location!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
