Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
