we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
