i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
