If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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