look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
