so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
