5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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