I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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