you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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