oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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