He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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