i barfeds in our rink
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
