Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
No stitches, just platelets and will power
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
