Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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