he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
