Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
