There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
