Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
