I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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