ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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