Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
