Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
