I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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