At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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