Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
