Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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