Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
