..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
