why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
