I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
