My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
