i think my tv is drunk
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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