yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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