thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
