i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
