How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
