I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
