No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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