i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
there's paper in my vomit.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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