I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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