Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
