i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
