Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
