There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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