How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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