lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize