the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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