fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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