I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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