Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
