Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
