I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
