He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
