i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
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I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
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Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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