my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
