She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
