Sponge bath it is.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
