Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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