youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
