Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
