i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
