Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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