so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
