woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
