This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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