Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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