I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
