yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
